I've always been under the impression that I remember people's names, but they don't remember mine. It used to make me a bit sad, because it felt like I was the only one who remembered the relationship, however brief and insignificant - it made me feel like the reacher. It made me view the other person as arrogant for forgetting my name.
This false notion kind of cleared itself up during the last three weeks since I've been in college. I've met countless new people whose names I forget as soon as I stop speaking to them, and not because I'm arrogant.
As I spend 90% of my time over-thinking, I analysed this. Here's what I came up with:
In my head, the only possible reason for forgetting someone's name is because you know a lot of people, and hence a lot of names. So I must have subconsciously assumed that the other person was very social, thus automatically making me feel bad about myself. This would translate to me disliking the aforementioned person.
Feeling bad about not being social is what I spend the remaining 10% of my time doing. I was pretty bad at talking to people I didn't already know - but that got worse after Tumblr. I spent a really huge chunk of the ages 14 to 17 on Tumblr, and I felt very welcomed into this online community of people who were just as terrible as me at making friends. It kind of propagated social awkwardness and stuff. Which is fine - better than fine, actually. But it made me cling on tighter to my comfort zone. It made me take pride in the fact that I didn't fare so well in the socialising department, when really, there's nothing to be proud about. I'm not saying that you should be ashamed about your lack of socialising skills, or that you should be proud if you're a sociable person. I'm a huge believer in the power of introverts, but that doesn't mean I think less of extroverts.
In my head, the only possible reason for forgetting someone's name is because you know a lot of people, and hence a lot of names. So I must have subconsciously assumed that the other person was very social, thus automatically making me feel bad about myself. This would translate to me disliking the aforementioned person.
Feeling bad about not being social is what I spend the remaining 10% of my time doing. I was pretty bad at talking to people I didn't already know - but that got worse after Tumblr. I spent a really huge chunk of the ages 14 to 17 on Tumblr, and I felt very welcomed into this online community of people who were just as terrible as me at making friends. It kind of propagated social awkwardness and stuff. Which is fine - better than fine, actually. But it made me cling on tighter to my comfort zone. It made me take pride in the fact that I didn't fare so well in the socialising department, when really, there's nothing to be proud about. I'm not saying that you should be ashamed about your lack of socialising skills, or that you should be proud if you're a sociable person. I'm a huge believer in the power of introverts, but that doesn't mean I think less of extroverts.
It's not as if I lack the ability to make small talk with people; I lack the desire. It ultimately matters on how much you care about being able to fit in. For me, that level varies from day to day. On some days, the issue is a prelude to a huge pity party which involves listening to a lot of Tame Impala. But on others it makes me feel like an enlightened being who knows that she has a small group of Favourite People, each of whom she loves inside out.
There's another thing about social interactions, especially new ones, that I seem to have a problem with. I don't know how much of myself to give away. When I know someone for only a short time, I'm unsure about how much I care about creating and maintaining a relationship. I'm very hesitant about telling/showing people things about myself. I'm very protective of myself. I was discussing this with a friend, and she was saying that when she's in groups, she usually just keeps shut even if she has a lot to contribute to the conversation.
This is what bothers me about interviews, too. I want the interviewees to like me for who I am, but I hate the thought of having to sell myself. Like, you have to pass MY test to convince me to tell you about myself. Does that make sense?
Anyway, college is going... okay, I guess. Undeclared and other movies/TV shows set really unrealistic expectations about college/living away from home for me. For one, there's no Seth Rogen living on my floor.
I lost my motivation to be open minded and positive, because honestly, that's just not who I am.
Also, I've come to appreciate several things about living at home - worry-free laundry, being able to buy anything from the grocery store, people being sensitive to my various moods, people to hug, and many other things.
There's another thing about social interactions, especially new ones, that I seem to have a problem with. I don't know how much of myself to give away. When I know someone for only a short time, I'm unsure about how much I care about creating and maintaining a relationship. I'm very hesitant about telling/showing people things about myself. I'm very protective of myself. I was discussing this with a friend, and she was saying that when she's in groups, she usually just keeps shut even if she has a lot to contribute to the conversation.
This is what bothers me about interviews, too. I want the interviewees to like me for who I am, but I hate the thought of having to sell myself. Like, you have to pass MY test to convince me to tell you about myself. Does that make sense?
Anyway, college is going... okay, I guess. Undeclared and other movies/TV shows set really unrealistic expectations about college/living away from home for me. For one, there's no Seth Rogen living on my floor.
I lost my motivation to be open minded and positive, because honestly, that's just not who I am.
Also, I've come to appreciate several things about living at home - worry-free laundry, being able to buy anything from the grocery store, people being sensitive to my various moods, people to hug, and many other things.
