I'm not going to lie - I love it when guys hold open doors for me (not that it's happened very often or anything). Chivalry is very attractive, and I know that my opinion of a guy would increase greatly if I saw him perform an act of chivalry.
But the problem is, I was very confused about my opinion of chivalry itself, because it seemed to clash with my ideas of equality (I prefer not to call it feminism, more on that later). Why the hell should a guy hold open a door for me just because I'm female?
I watched an episode of 30 Rock once, which made me sit down and think deeply about my thoughts on the issue. Why did it feel so unjust that no one would help Liz out with the water cooler? As a woman, I feel that it's my right to be helped. And that's exactly the problem.
There's the whole argument about how women are biologically weaker than men, and that's the way it is is and all that. I'm not disputing that - it's a fact. As a gender, men are built tougher than woman (that's not to say that no all men are physically tougher than all woman, and vice versa). But is that a reason to have doors held open for me?
It's a very archaic way of thinking to assume that you should be treated with respect and helped with heavy things because you have an XX chromosome.
Then why is it that I still thought that guys SHOULD be chivalrous?
I hate it when guys say, "I won't hit you because you're a girl". Don't not hit because I'm a girl, don't not hit me because you don't believe in violence. Does it put you on higher moral ground? I mean, that's like saying, "I won't hit you because you're Asian". That doesn't make any sense! Is your hitting a person less looked down upon if the person you're hitting is a guy? Sadly, the answer is yes.
Just a note : I don't believe in violence (except in the case of those I like because that's how I show my affection).
So I came to conclude that I was getting mixed up between chivalry/gallantry and courtesy. As much as I appreciate it, I think chivalry is pretty dumb.
Don't get me wrong, I would rather be respected because I'm a woman than disrespected because of the same reason. I don't know if I'm being able to put the point across, but it's always seemed a bit hypocritical to me. On one hand you have society telling you to respect women, but on the other you have countless cases of women being disrespected for being women.
So in my Utopian world, both these schools of thought would be scrapped. Instead, the thought that would be promoted would be this : Respect every individual.
If you're a courteous person, be nice and polite to everyone. Hold open doors, pick up dropped pencils, help carry heavy luggage. For everyone.
If you're not a courteous person, don't do the above. For anyone (unless you feel a spurt of niceness).
When I was a kid, I saw my dad help a woman on the train we were travelling in with her luggage. And I thought that if you're a man, that's what you're supposed to do.
But I've also seen my dad help one of my neighbours (who was a man) with his luggage when we were waiting for the elevator together. And I realised that if you're a nice person, you'll help anyone you can, regardless of their gender.
In answer to the questions I posed above :
- A guy shouldn't hold open a door for me because I'm a girl, but because he's polite and holds open doors for people.
- It felt unjust that no one would help Liz with the water cooler because come on, can't anyone see she's struggling? And everyone is just standing there. It's uncomfortable, not because she's a woman, but because she's just a person who cannot handle that cooler.
- Being a woman doesn't mean that doors should be held open for me by men. It's not a right, or anything. But it's not that I don't deserve it. If someone holds open a door for me, I don't really have an issue with it.
- It's not a necessity for a guy to be chivalrous. No one SHOULD be anything. Whatever floats your boat. But if you're into that kind of thing, guys, AND GIRLS, be courteous.
So I hold open doors for people - the male and female variety - and let them exit the elevator before me, because it's a nice thing to do. Thus my confusion was sorted out. Except....
... can anyone help me out with this one : why is it that when there's an emergency or something, it's always women and children first? Is that chivalry, or is there a more logical explanation to that?
