The person I want to be:
• Does NOT care what other people think about her appearance and mannerisms
• Does not take herself too seriously, but
• Can handle issues she cares about firmly but without sounding like an activist
• Gets every pop culture reference
• Can have telephone conversations without her pitch increasing by three tones, and without ending her sentences with questions
• Can look at herself in the mirror when there are other people in the room
• Knows sign language
I have many hundreds of lists much like this one - some written down, some in my head. For as long as I can remember, I've tried being different kinds of people. The above list shows a specific person. I am not that person, and I will never ever be that person wholly. I say 'wholly' because if ever I manage to infuse every single one of these traits into my personality, I will still have worlds of different personalities in me.
Every time I've watched a movie or read a book, I subconsciously absorb some of my favourite characters into myself (you'll know what I'm talking about if you watched Charlie's Angels when you were at an impressionable age). When I meet someone new, I often pick up some thing so minute from them that no one notices it. I met one of my old classmates last week, and when we parted he said, "It was so nice to see you". I've said that to seven different people since. It's not always like, a catch phrase. It's also mannerisms, like speaking in a very low tone, or a different way of blinking (you'll be surprised to learn the different styles of blinking and the different things they convey). So imagine the number of people my personality is made of.
I am different people for different people. I adopt various styles of talking and acting, and often various interests while conversing with different people. I know someone who dumbs herself down while interacting with her peers. It's not that she's mocking them, it's just that she'd rather be that person at that point of time.
Not knowing who you are is not the same thing as having several parts to your personality. I like to think that I'm well acquainted with myselves. I'm very aware when I slip into a different personality. I don't think it makes you a stronger person if you can be consistent in your behaviour with everyone. I mean, if you're compromising on your believes, then you're a hypocrite, but if you happen to speak in a different tone with two different people, it's not that you're not being true to yourself or anything. At least, not in my experience.
When I was younger, maybe in the eighth grade, I would choose specific characteristics to add to my personality. I used to be a very hyper active person. I remember how much effort I used to put in to maintaining that facade. I would jump and overreact even when I jut felt like sitting. When I realised that it was taking too much effort to always be excitable, I dropped the act.
On looking back, I reasoned that my finding the need to have something that people would associate me with was the fear of being written off. I was convinced that if I didn't have something specific, people would write me off. It was a valid fear, I think. But I really wish that I could tell my thirteen year old self that it's okay to experiment with personality types and change and grow.
Projecting personalities has actually proved to be really useful. At times when I need a confidence boost (like when I walk down the supermarket aisle) I project a combination of Fiona Apple and Lara Croft. I straighten my back, lift my head up, and raise my right eyebrow a bit (I'm a big fan of the permanently-scorning-people look).
You have to go with the flow, you know, and just be whoever you feel like being at the moment. Know that every single person/character that you've ever added to your personality makes it thicker and nicer. It's like a forest, instead of just a lawn (again, forgive my pitiable use of metaphors). John Green agrees -
• Does NOT care what other people think about her appearance and mannerisms
• Does not take herself too seriously, but
• Can handle issues she cares about firmly but without sounding like an activist
• Gets every pop culture reference
• Can have telephone conversations without her pitch increasing by three tones, and without ending her sentences with questions
• Can look at herself in the mirror when there are other people in the room
• Knows sign language
I have many hundreds of lists much like this one - some written down, some in my head. For as long as I can remember, I've tried being different kinds of people. The above list shows a specific person. I am not that person, and I will never ever be that person wholly. I say 'wholly' because if ever I manage to infuse every single one of these traits into my personality, I will still have worlds of different personalities in me.
Avril Lavigne, Hilary Duff, and basically any one who had a part to play in shaping my pre-teen self, through all their differences always seemed consistent in one message : "Be yourself". As much as I wanted to do exactly what Avril told me I should, I couldn't quite understand this one, and I always wound up so confused. How was I supposed to know exactly who I was and how was I supposed to stick to being that person?
Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known - Chuck Palahniuk
Every time I've watched a movie or read a book, I subconsciously absorb some of my favourite characters into myself (you'll know what I'm talking about if you watched Charlie's Angels when you were at an impressionable age). When I meet someone new, I often pick up some thing so minute from them that no one notices it. I met one of my old classmates last week, and when we parted he said, "It was so nice to see you". I've said that to seven different people since. It's not always like, a catch phrase. It's also mannerisms, like speaking in a very low tone, or a different way of blinking (you'll be surprised to learn the different styles of blinking and the different things they convey). So imagine the number of people my personality is made of.
I am different people for different people. I adopt various styles of talking and acting, and often various interests while conversing with different people. I know someone who dumbs herself down while interacting with her peers. It's not that she's mocking them, it's just that she'd rather be that person at that point of time.
Not knowing who you are is not the same thing as having several parts to your personality. I like to think that I'm well acquainted with myselves. I'm very aware when I slip into a different personality. I don't think it makes you a stronger person if you can be consistent in your behaviour with everyone. I mean, if you're compromising on your believes, then you're a hypocrite, but if you happen to speak in a different tone with two different people, it's not that you're not being true to yourself or anything. At least, not in my experience.
When I was younger, maybe in the eighth grade, I would choose specific characteristics to add to my personality. I used to be a very hyper active person. I remember how much effort I used to put in to maintaining that facade. I would jump and overreact even when I jut felt like sitting. When I realised that it was taking too much effort to always be excitable, I dropped the act.
On looking back, I reasoned that my finding the need to have something that people would associate me with was the fear of being written off. I was convinced that if I didn't have something specific, people would write me off. It was a valid fear, I think. But I really wish that I could tell my thirteen year old self that it's okay to experiment with personality types and change and grow.
Projecting personalities has actually proved to be really useful. At times when I need a confidence boost (like when I walk down the supermarket aisle) I project a combination of Fiona Apple and Lara Croft. I straighten my back, lift my head up, and raise my right eyebrow a bit (I'm a big fan of the permanently-scorning-people look).
You have to go with the flow, you know, and just be whoever you feel like being at the moment. Know that every single person/character that you've ever added to your personality makes it thicker and nicer. It's like a forest, instead of just a lawn (again, forgive my pitiable use of metaphors). John Green agrees -
Now, I am contractually obligated as an adult to give that advice, even though it doesn't work. But yeah, be yourself, even though no one has any idea what it means to be yourself. Like whose self would I otherwise be being?
