I don't have much to do for the next month or so. It's actually an ideal time to try to undertake a project, or make a zine, or something. But of course I'm a big fan of complaining about how I'm never going to get anything productive done, so I'll probably not do anything. I had big plans - a reading list, a watch list, that I would decorate my hostel room, that I would exercise like crazy. No points for guessing how many of that I've got done.
I'm doing an internship where I go and teach kids in a school. I realized in the past week that I majorly suck at teaching. I'm quite bad at transferring a concept or an idea in my head to another person.
Most of my friends are interning in other cities, so I've been chilling in my room mostly by myself, owing to the fact that my roommate is super social. I'm scared I'm soon going to get Cabin Fever because of the amount of time that I'm spending by myself.
I may be making this out to be my sad situation, but the truth is that all of this is self-imposed. Actually, most of everything that I do is self-imposed. It wouldn't take any effort to go and hang with peers, at least for a little time. I think this is because I've been looking forward to being this person who sits in her room all day. It's like a role to play, one which I've been preparing myself for.
Ever since I can remember, I loved acting and playing roles. I would very very often pretend to cry. When I was in the fourth grade, I convinced my friends that I was getting glasses. And that seems like a rather harmless thing to lie about, but for me it was a role to play - as if I would be a totally different person if
I wore glasses. Many times, I would put on an accent when I was grocery shopping with my parents. I don't even know why. It's like I wanted people to wonder about me, to think of me as a mystery.
I wanted to sneak into an A- rated movie once. My sister and I decided that it was more likely that they would let me in if I walked in alone. So she and my cousin went in while I hung around outside for like, five minutes. In those five minutes, I was a different person. I had a whole back story about how my dad was a bureaucrat and my mom spent a lot of time at home doing nothing. It's not like I shared this back story with anyone; the back story was the way I held myself, slightly neglected because of the number of years I had lived in a joint family.
I'm not sure whether I do it for myself or to make other people think things about me. I doubt it's the latter, because on the outside I don't think people notice what I'm doing. So if it's for myself, why do I do it? I think maybe just for the heck of it. It maybe like how compulsive liars fib just for kicks.
So what I was saying is that this whole sitting-by-myself-in-my-lonesome-room thing is just another acting stint which I'm very excited about. I realize that I might sound a bit psychotic at this point.
Anyway, I've been watching Fringe, which is SO AWESOME. I love the concept of fringe science, and all the possibilities. It's really fascinating. But also, PETER BISHOP. He's really works because he's a super intelligent misfit kind of guy, which I always appreciate. To be honest, I wasn't a huge fan of Joshua Jackson; there's something about him that really annoyed me - I think it has something to do with Dawson's Creek. But I really see his redeeming qualities now, with new found clarity. The show is a little slow, and I don't think the dialogue is very good, but it works.
I made a new mix on 8tracks.
I think that's the only halfway productive thing I've done.
